FETTERED: THE STORY OF DIANE

 

To be fettered means to be bound by chains or shackles or to be restricted. A lot of people are bounded. I'm not talking in terms of physical chains but mental, spiritual, emotional chains. Let's hear from Diane. Let's learn from her story. Note; it is a fiction. It's not real. 

Hi guys! I'm Diane. I'm twenty - six. I was born and raised in a Christian home. In fact, my father is a pastor. I'm sure you are wondering what do I have to say or what my story is. It all started when I was in grade 10. I was sixteen at that time. I was in love with my class mate, Jack. He was such a good looking guy. Right from the beginning, I knew I was wrong but my emotions were above my thoughts. Jack and I are two different being. I was a good child. I was taught and raised well by my parents but Jack was the opposite of me. Though initially, he was a good guy but after his parents divorced eachother, he became something else. He began to smoke, party and all sort. I wanted to change him. I thought I had the capacity to change him but I never knew it is so easy to pull someone down, rather than pulling someone up. I wanted him to get out of the ditch but I ended up falling into it. One particular day, he told me to come over to his dad's new house. I went there without telling anyone, even my siblings. When I got there, he showed me the entire building. It was beautiful. He told me his dad will be back soon that I should wait for him. I was so surprised. He wanted me to meet his dad. While waiting for him, I decided to talk to him about his wrong lifestyle. He was paying attention but ended my words with “I don't care. My parents caused this.” I was shocked. Could it be that the divorce affected him? I was trying to think about it. I noticed he was looking at me. Everything started looking weird. Why is he looking at my body? I coughed and I stood up to go. He held me and said “diane, I've heard all you said and I promise to change my ways”. I felt calm with those words and I smiled. He pulled me closer to him and hugged me. I was feeling weird. What's going on? I asked myself. Suddenly, he kissed me and everything that happened led to sex. I couldn't recover from what happened. I couldn't even understand. Wait! Did I actually did that with Jack. I couldn't control my tears. I promised God that I'll never defile myself. I promised my parents. I promised my self too. As I was about to get out of his house, he dropped some money in my hands and said “thanks for your service”. He smiled and locked the door. It was as if I was shot. OMG! I've been played all along. I began to cry and I ran home. When I got to my house, I cleaned my eyes and looked okay again. My father saw me and said, why are you just coming back from school? I don't know what to say but I tried hiding my tears. He walked away from me and I went to my room. That day became the beginning of a fettered life for me. I pulled away from everyone. My grades started going down and of course, Jack got a new girl.

I thought everything will end there until my parents found out that I was pregnant. My father disowned me. My mother rejected me. I Wasn't sent out of the house but I became a stranger. I became a ghost. I was withdrawn from my school. I had to cater for myself and my unborn child. I couldn't abort the pregnancy because It's a sin to God. My siblings hated me. I hated myself for my mistake. Often times, I cry myself to sleep. I could feel my brain cells deteriorating. I began to look older than my age. No one showed me love. I couldn't go to church with my parents anymore. My father is a preacher of there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, but my father condemned me. I took sniper alot of time yet it never affected me. I wanted to die. I wanted to go to school but I couldn't because my parents stopped catering for me. I decided to go out and look for jobs to support my self. Thank God, I got two job. One in the afternoon and the other in the evening. The payment could sponsor my education in a public school. I registered myself, got my uniform and books. My first day at school was a terrible one. My pregnancy was already obvious because it was now 5 month. The teachers mocked me. Even my class mates. Often time they say “why would Professor Kim (principal) accept this girl”. “She is a bitch”. I hear different words daily and I knew I was dying gradually. I get insulted everywhere I go. My parents never made things easy for me. My teachers failed me everytime. Even when I read well for my exams. No one liked me. No one! I wanted to be loved too but my mistake won't let me. 

One day in school, I was brought out to the front of the class and I became the subject for the day. My art teacher ridiculed me. He knew I could draw and paint well yet he kept failing me. My classmates began to say all sorts of words and at that moment, I couldn't hold my tears anymore. I began to cry loudly. They kept laughing at me. I don't where I got the courage from, I yelled back at them saying “keep quiet everyone! Who do you think you are that you think you can condemn me! Yes I'm pregnant. As you can see, I'm pregnant! I am going to be a teenage mom soon! I am going to give birth to a healthy child soon! You think you know me? You think you can define me by my mistake? Fine! Go ahead and define me! Diane, a 17 years old girl will be be a mom soon! Go ahead and keep talking!” I began to cry and everyone kept quiet. Suddenly, I began to feel some contractions. Is the baby coming? I tried holding in and standing straight. This is just the 8th month and the baby want to come to the world. What's going on. I began to think. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I began to walk to the door. I got out of the class and I could hold myself together. I began to grunt loudly. I never knew my principal was seeing everything. She held me and she called for help. I was taken to the hospital. 

“Push! Push! Hmmmmmmmm!!!” I tried pushing. To be in labour is a very painful thing. I felt like my heart was going to jump out of my chest. I've used all my strength to push. The doctor looked at me and felt my pulse. It was going down. “diane, you need to do Caesarean section”. I had no money. And it's quite costly. I looked at the doctor and said “let me push one more time”. He looked at me and saw that I meant it. “Push”!! This time around, I pushed with the whole of my energy and I heard the cry of a baby. OMG! I saw the beauty of this child before I closed my eyes. 

When I woke up, I was already cleaned up and I saw my beautiful child. She was like an angel. I couldn't hold my tears. I saw my mistake looking at me with a smile on her pretty face. She looked so much like me. I couldn't stop my tears. She was right but she came at the wrong time. I began to remember days that I took sniper just to get rid of the both of us, but we never felt it. And I said to her “you might have come at the wrong time but I'll make the time right for you. I'll make you feel the love I couldn't feel”. I held her close to my heart and I felt warm. When last was I hugged! I thought. My principal was looking at me. She walked up to me and said “diane, you deserve the whole world.” she then hugged me. I felt as if I hugged my mom. She looked at me and I noticed she couldn't hold her tears. I was wondering why she was crying. She then open up to me. She said “i was in your shoes 35yrs ago but I never had the boldness to carry my shame everywhere. I never had the courage to show the world what my mistake was. I aborted mine and that was the greatest mistake I made. I couldn't give birth anymore. I was thinking about my visions, my dreams , my family and what people would say but you forsook all and stood your ground even when everyone was against you.” she began to cry more and I couldn't hold mine too. “You did well Diane, and for what you did, I will sponsor your education, take care of your child and you and will make you be who you want to be.Your pains brought healing to me. When I saw your struggles, it healed the pains I've locked up in me for 35yrs. Your mistake became healing to me.” she said. 

After that day, I moved out of my parents house and began to live with my principal. She took care of me and my daughter. She sponsored my education. She became my mother. I never knew my talents was drawing and painting until she pointed it out to me. She built a workshop for me and she do said “diane, draw from your inside. Paint like it's your world. Draw out your pains and paint with the colors of your world. As God gave you beauty for ashes, paint the ashes of the world with beauty.”

Now, I'm an artist. I've been awarded seventeen times. My artworks are highly rated all over the world. My daughter, Cassandra, is doing well in school. She is very active and smart. I'll be getting married  soon too. My parents accepted me back the day I got my seventeenth award. The truth is that as parents, don't correct your children with negative attitudes. Bad cannot change bad! It will only worsen it. Correct with love. Be a guide to your children no matter the mistake they made. Though it is painful but you will heal that pain in your heart by healing that child first. 

For as many that are bounded by one thing or the other, your case might not be like Diane's story but I want you to know that every bits of your mistake is an opportunity to redefine yourself. Yours might be abortion, drugs, sex addict or any negative thing, I want you to know that you are loved by God still. Don't condemn yourself! Leave those people condemning you. I know you never wanted to be like that. You just find yourself doing that. I have a beautiful gift for you;

Give your life to Christ. He knows you. He had seen everything. He knows how much you are trying to get our of it. He knows how you feel. When you feel bad , he feels bad because he never wants you to be unhappy. He wants you to come to him. He wants to give your rest. Accept him as your Lord and Savior. Repent from every of your sins and see how he will break every chains holding you down. I want you to repeat after me 

     Lord Jesus, today I believe you came to save me. I believe you died for every bits of my sins, you were buried and you rose again on the third day for my sake. I accept you as my Lord and savior. I turn away from everything. I turn to you today as your child. Thank you Jesus. 

Congratulations, if you have done this. You are welcome to the family of Christ. In case you need anyone to talk to or to help you, indicate as a comment below. God bless you!